He gives the barren woman a home, making her the JOYOUS mother of children. Praise the Lord! Psalm 113:9
How joyous I am to be the mother of my sweet Erika Grace. And only God could have done this thing. A journey full of tears of wrenching heartache and also of unspeakable joy. Turning sorrow into dancing. The kind of dancing you do when you are overcome by a melody so beautiful that it is perfection—Divine. It is God's song. He is the composer. Only His song is perfection—and exquisite beauty.
Not of my flesh, nor of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute, You didn't grow under my heart, but in it.
-Fluer Conkling Heylinger
Miraculously our own! Chris and I could not have made Erika from our flesh and bone. God used her birth parents... so that she is just exactly herself. Our Erika. My Erika. And how perfectly she fits. How overwhelmed I am daily when I think that He put us together. Oh, I need her now more than ever!
She is reason God knew I needed to get out of the chair. To care about life. And to care about really living. To laugh, too. What a gift! What a song!
And I believe that He is also composing a perfect melody of THESE tears of loss. The loss of my beloved. And perhaps He will be so kind as to show me a bit of the beauty of the notes He's writing. I think I am just maybe beginning to see some glimpses. And I trust the Great Composer. Even if I do not see the full beauty of this song in this life, I will surely see it in the next.
So, as I wait to see that beauty... I knit. For my therapy—because the rhythm and accomplishment somehow helps to heal my heart. And for my girl—because I love her most in this world. Behold! This week's project (therapy)! A birthday backpack for Erika. My soon-to-be 3-year-old! Shhhhhh…. don’t tell her! I hope she loves it.
Beauty for ashes right? How many times have we heard that phrase and totally "didn't get it?" Those new eyes though, they see new things. And it is the beauty in those things that makes the heart sing again. Dear sweet Erika-she will love her OWL. She will carry wisdom on her back. In her young and tender age she has more life wisdom than other 3 year olds--yet her innocence protects her gently. Keep writing Em, I love reading your words.
ReplyDeleteOk Erika WILL for sure love this owl, I mean I would carry that on my back!! :) I have to make one of these you inspired me! Loved the post. I had to re-submit my email address cause I didn't get the email today, so now I think I finally have it set!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Girls! (My fellow-knitters) :)
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