What if my life, like Paul's (Phil. 2:17), is to be a drink offering? Poured out. What if pain and hurt follows me always? For the sake of others.
What if I am to comfort others with the comfort with which I have been comforted (2Cor. 1:14)—and what if that comfort means infinitely more coming from one who has daily grief and pain?
What if I cry to see my baby have this sad life? And what if my mom cries for the very same reason? Moms aching over their daughters' pain. What if it is sad and hard for us til we die? And what if heaven is the first time we see the beauty in all of this?
What if I never again enjoy the loveliness and benefits of a sweet marriage? The companionship. What if I always feel so very lonely?
What if immensely heart-breaking dreams in which I say goodbye to Chris over and over again keep disturbing my nights and shadowing my days?
What if, try as I may, it is very difficult to see my afflictions as "light and momentary" (2Cor. 4:17)—rather, I see them as heavy and enduring?
What if "counting it all joy" (James 1:2) seems impossible and the patience that this testing of my faith is to produce seems rather undesirable?
What if death works in me so that life may work in others (2Cor.4:12)? What if the HOPE in my sadness is just the thing some poor, desperate soul needs to see? To see Jesus.
Am I willing? Will I rejoice to spend and be spent? Is all of this "pouring out" what true love for God and man looks like? Can I surrender all? All claims to rights and happiness.
Today, it's war in my soul (Gal. 5:17). Not every day. But today, Spirit and flesh are clashing. Flesh cries out for deliverance, for happiness, for companionship. Spirit knows that all I have is not my own—even my very life—and that true joy comes in full surrender, despite my outward circumstances.
I have no idea of the path I am called to walk. But this much I know: Spirit must win. True joy is found in full surrender. And I have a Savior who showed me with His life—and death—how to do this. Surrender. And joy will follow. I will be soothed and sung songs of peace and comfort. My world will crumble around me, but my Lord will gather me up and press me close to Him. 
My assignment: "So brace up your minds, and as men who know what they are doing, rest the full weight of your hopes on the grace that will be yours when Jesus Christ reveals himself." I Peter 1:13 (JB Philips) Pray for me?
No words that I could write would ever bring the peace and comfort that our Savior brings. Indeed, resting fully in the arms of our Savior is the pathway of comfort as we travel the valley of vision.
ReplyDeleteAs your heart opens itself to perfect grieving in the arms of God may you receive that perfect rest promised by God to the weary traveler.
Grace and peace to you my friend.
This is beautiful.
ReplyDeleteAs the kids and I were doing our Bible time this morning, these verses were shared and we stopped at once and prayed for you, Erika and this journey you are on. We give thanks for the His power at work in you, His comfort and His mercy. We give thanks for His goodness and for the hope to which you are called. Know we are praying Scripture over you and Erika this morning.
'But the righteous shall be glad;
they shall exult before God;
they shall be jubilant with joy!
Sing to God, sing praises to His name;
lift up a song to Him who rides through deserts;
His name is the Lord; exult before Him!
Father of the fatherless and protector of the widows
is God in His holy habitation.
God settles the solitary in a home;
He leads out the prisoners to prosperity,
but the rebellious shall dwell in a parched land.
O God, when you went out before your people,
when you marched through the wildnerness,
the earth quaked, the heavens poured down rain,
before God, the One of Sinai,
before God, the God of Israel.
Rain in abundance, O God, you shed abroad;
you restored your inheritance as it languished;
your flock found a dwelling in it;
in your goodness, O God, you provided for the needy.'
Psalm 68:3-10
My friends,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words. The encouragement is a balm to my heart. Tiffany, the words of this psalm have come to mean so much more to me in past months. Thanks for reaching out.
Emily, my prayers are with you as you walk through this life journey from day to day, keep your spiritual focus on the Lord strong.
ReplyDeleteOur Lord cares for us much, much more then we feel some times.He has a plan for each of us and it is a marvelous plan,we just need to stay close to Him, under his wings , as His plan unfolds.May you feel the Lords peace and comfort,in your heart.