Seven Months

October 1st. How did we get here already? I find myself a bit terrified of impending winter. Not my favorite season at all. Too cold. Too long. No warmth on my skin. And this winter, no husband warmth either.

But, I get ahead of myself! Autumn is my favorite season! The colors, the crisp air. Sweater and cute hat weather. Back-to-back birthdays in November (Erika's and mine). I want to soak it all in and not dread what lies ahead. In seasons. And in life.


Erika with fall colors... this is my new favorite pic. It's so HER!

I'm learning what kind of grieving is working for me. I find I need to plan ahead. Think carefully about anniversaries and days that could be hard. And then plan something amazing. Something exciting. Or relaxing.

So, guess what I'm doing today? I am having a SPA DAY! Erika is going to be with Grandma and Grandpa all day, and I have a hefty chunk of gift cards for a particular spa that were given to me before and after Chris died by some sweet friends and family.

These amazing people assumed, so kindly, that I needed pampering after the excruciating experience of watching my husband die. And I did! But until this point, I have not wanted to be touched at all. Something very deep inside seemed to say, "If I cannot be touched by Chris, I would rather not be touched at all." So a massage was the very last thing on my list of things to do.

But now, the healing part of me thinks that a massage and facial sound like bliss. Thank you—my sweet cousins, aunt, mother-in-law, co-worker... Today I am enjoying your gift (with some to spare)! Much love.