One night, I yelled at Erika. I mean really yelled. I heard myself while I was doing it and thought "I was never going to yell at my child!" But things kept spinning out of control. Outside me, but mostly inside me. So, I didn't stop yelling.
Stop peeing!!! Just STOP peeing!
And she didn't stop.
The stream of urine still would have hit my leg and puddled on my toes, whether I yelled or not. The difference lies in how I made my daughter feel. And what I told her about life through my response. She sobbed big, heavy sobs.
My meltdown paved the way for hers. And it painted a blueprint for her. It's ok to come unglued when you are really mad. And Mom cares more about the mess she will have to clean up than finding out the reason why I wet my pants.
Oh Baby, forgive me! I really do care more about your little heart and your little body than I do about some pee on my foot!
And there is grace. Forgiveness. From God and from people—the little person in this case. They both granted it so completely.
And daily, I fail like this. As a Christian. As a mom. As a friend. How very desperate would be my condition if I found all my goodness in myself! Every bit of me that is good is not me at all. And when I betray this goodness, there is still more goodness waiting. Forgiveness.
Spurgeon writes this:
The stream of urine still would have hit my leg and puddled on my toes, whether I yelled or not. The difference lies in how I made my daughter feel. And what I told her about life through my response. She sobbed big, heavy sobs.
My meltdown paved the way for hers. And it painted a blueprint for her. It's ok to come unglued when you are really mad. And Mom cares more about the mess she will have to clean up than finding out the reason why I wet my pants.
 |
| this picture of my sweet girl seems to underscore my wretchedness |
And there is grace. Forgiveness. From God and from people—the little person in this case. They both granted it so completely.
And daily, I fail like this. As a Christian. As a mom. As a friend. How very desperate would be my condition if I found all my goodness in myself! Every bit of me that is good is not me at all. And when I betray this goodness, there is still more goodness waiting. Forgiveness.
Spurgeon writes this:
You, seeking sinner, with all your sin, will be received. “Only return”—those are God's two gracious words—“only return.” What! Nothing else? No; “only return”... Return, return, return! Jesus is waiting for you! He will stretch forth His hand and pull you in--in to Himself, your heart's true home. (Morning and Evening, 3/13 PM)
Yes, I will return.
A mommy melt down moment.
ReplyDeleteWe've all had them.
They pretty much stink.
Asking forgiveness for them to our kids: PRICELESS
As we show our weakness, they see us as humbly as we see ourselves.
You will return Emily. I know you will.
Emily...what a wonderful gift you have to express so well the wretchedness we all feel at one time or another... once we have tasted perfect Grace and Mercy!
ReplyDeleteWe grow as we press forward, learning to love as He first loved us, becoming like Him...the goal of our lives...thereby glorifying our heavenly Father!